Ruby Rose and the Philosopher's Stone
by Kream45
Summary: This is pretty much Harry Potter but with Ruby Rose instead of Harry Potter.


"You're a fucking bitch, Ruby." Hagrid said to Ruby.

":("

"You're also a wizard, I guess."

"Oh shit, sick."

Later...

Ruby Rose approached a guy in a uniform on the train station.

"Excuse me, where can I find Platform 21/37?" she asked.

"In your mom's ass." The guy replied. "I'm done with this job, I'm gonna kill myself."

The guy ran towards the rails and threw himself under a train. Ruby then realized that she can just use Fast Travel to go to Hogwarts. So that's what she did.

"Welcome in Hogwarts, you little fucking shits." McGonagall said to her and the other kids. "In a moment, you'll go through this door, and there's this hat, and blah, blah, blah, who gives a shit."

Ruby and some other faggots entered the Great Hall.

"Niggerdor." The hat said.

"Excuse me, I would rather be in Gryffindor." Ruby said quietly.

"I don't give a flying fuck."

Later…

"Hey guys, look, it's Ruby Rose!" Some faggot said. "The girl who survived taking Voldemort's dick in her ass!"

Everyone surrounded Ruby and started asking questions.

Ruby sighed, "Why are you getting excited over a little bit of anal?"

Then some black dude came out from the crowd and said:

"I wanna check if there aare any Voldemort leftovers in that white ass of yours."

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to say 'no' to that." Ruby replied.

"I'm afraid I didn't ask for your permission."

And then, the black dude used his secret ninja techniques to quickly appear behind Ruby and pierce her ass with his big black cock.

The next day…

"So like, I teach potions." Snape said. "Ruby Rose, come over here."

Ruby Rose did as she was asked.

Snape took out his dick and looked at Ruby with a serious expression.

"Suck it." He said.

"Lol no." Ruby replied.

"Pity… clearly, fame isn't everything… is it, miss Rose?"

":("

Later that year…

"So like, there's a three-headed giant dog on the third floor, guys." Some crack-head in the Niggerdom dorms said. "I think he's guarding something, lol xddddd"

Ruby smelled adventure.

Later…

"Hey Hagrid, how do I get rid of a three-headed giant dog?" Ruby asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Hagrid asked while snorting coke.

"*cough* cuz I think there might be one on the *cough* floor, and he might be guarding something."

"I see." Hagrid said. "Here, you can have it."

Hagrid grabbed an AR-15 which he had hidden in his ass and gave it to Ruby.

"Thank you." Ruby said, smiling.

"Just don't let those niggers in the school see you holding this." Hagrid said. "You know what, now that I think about, I don't think it's a good idea to bring a gun to…"

Then Ruby shot him, kek.

MISSION STARTED

Main Objective: shoot as many Hogwarts students and teachers as possible

Additional Objectives: find 10 hidden joints scattered around the school

Ruby ran towards the castle, holding the AR-15 Hagrid gave her. She shot every student on her way.

She then blasted her way inside the Great Hall and killed everyone. Apparently the AR-15 had infinite ammo.

She collected every hidden joint she could find, but missed two, damn. Everyone was dead.

Ruby then went to the three-headed dog's lair.

He attacked her with his triple dick, but Ruby dodged it. Ruby then shot the dog's dick off and it died.

Ruby then descended downstairs, to the thing the dog was guarding.

"Oh shit, it's so slippery down here… what the fuck are those green things?"

And then those tentacles raped her in every possible way.

Two days later, the tentacles got bored and left Ruby alone.

Ruby had to go back upstairs to eat something and wash herself. She then grabbed a C4 and threw it down the hole. The tentacles burned to death.

Then some fucking broom appeared and like thousands of keys flying around.

"So I guess I need to catch the right key, huh?" she said. "but why do that, if I can just stick a dynamite or two at the door?"

She then blew up the door.

Some chess then showed up.

"Why play chess, when you can just blow them up?"

She placed two C4s in the middle of the room and the entire fucking place went down.

Ruby then proceeded further.

"Ruby Rose, come over here, I won't bite." Quirrell said.

"Fuck you." Ruby replied and shot that nigga down. At least she thought so.

"Your toy has no power here." Quirrell laughed. "Like, I have Voldemort on my head."

Ruby then summoned the Nine Tails Fox Demon and she started to glow red.

"Quirrell, you're dead now."

"Lol please I was just kidding, like xDD Just playing with ya, please don't fuck me up."

"Too late, sucker."

Then, Ruby summoned the largest Rasengan in history, and blasted Quirrell with it.

Ruby then grabbed the Philosopher's Stone, which she had in her ass all this time, went upstairs again, washed the stone (cuz she had it in her ass) and then she ate it. It was pretty good.

"*BURP* that shit was good." Ruby smiled. "Now I'm immortal, if I understand this correctly."

Then J. K. Rowling appeared out of nowhere.

"Uh, actuuuaaaalllyyyyyy, it doesn't make you immortal, it just makes you shit gold nuggets." She said.

"Even better." Ruby said.

"And also, every time you blink, a black person is summoned from the Dark Dimension."

"What."

Ruby then walked out of Hogwarts, and there was like two hundred black men waiting for her.

"Son of a bitch."

Ruby had to choke on all of those dicks, and her ass was completely annihilated.

Afterwards, she travelled to Poland and shot everyone. Literally no one of any worth died.

Then she ate a kebab and watched some anime. Then she had to escape from three hundred black guys again (she didn't escape btw), and then she went to sleep, then she woke up, took a shit, ate some sandwiches for breakfast, then she watched a video on YouTube titled _How to get rid of niggas randomly spawning every time I blink?!_ And it turned out all she had to do was to say the magical words "I don't want black people to randomly spawn whenever I blink" and it worked.

Later that day, she fapped to furry hentai and watched some more anime, then she fapped once more, ate some Chinese food she bought at a discount and went to sleep. She then woke up and took a shit, then she tried to sell the golden shit nuggets online, then she went to the church to pray to God and ask him to kill everyone in the world, then she went back and watched some more anime and ate two apples and drank some mineral water and then she took some vitamin C and then she fapped and then she watched a video about black people on YouTube and then she went to sleep. Every next day looked pretty much the same.

**The End**


End file.
